BEING A ROMAN EMPEROR IS DIFFICULT AND STRESSFUL SO PLEASE GIVE CALIGULA A BREAK

by louis packard

i woke up on a couch that's too small+felt unsure about a healthy amount of sleep
i ate a banana while starring at myself and other things in the full length bathroom mirror
i listened to jadakiss
i listened to jeff the brotherhood
i listened to young thug & bloody jay
i smoked a cigarette and read from a poetry book sitting cross legged on cement

it was raining hard when i first woke up so i went back to sleep
and now it is sunny and i wish i stayed awake while it was raining hard so i could eat a banana, starring at myself and other things in the full length bathroom mirror while it was raining hard
and so i could think about boring things like mortality and time while it was raining hard
and so i could think about going to buy 40s
or taking out the garbage/recycling at the apartment i'm staying at
all while it was raining hard
but it's sunny now and i can never do those things
because it is sunny now and not raining hard and the version of myself doing things while it is raining hard will never exist
i killed the version of myself doing things while it was raining hard by going back to sleep and he begged me for mercy and i looked over at the crowd and they were all screaming and shouting and holding their thumbs down so i went back to sleep
when i wake up the crowd will be screaming and shouting and holding their thumbs down and i will go back to sleep
when i wake up the crowd will be screaming and shouting and holding their thumbs down and i will go back to sleep
when i wake up the crowd will be screaming and shouting and holding their thumbs down and i will go back to sleep


louis packard is seven hundred feet tall and loves mercilessly. he drives around downtown chicago and never drives off a bridge no matter how much he wants to. professional sad jock, runs a 4.20 40 yd dash. can be found on twitter @monster_ultra